didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
