I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
