if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
