as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
