My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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