I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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