Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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