I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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