he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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