Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
being pregnant is like rehab
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
