It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
