Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
