Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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