so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
