he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
