i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
