Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
