He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
