It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
