three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
