found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
