Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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