i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
