Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
