THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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