you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
