Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
