Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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