EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you inspire me to be a worse person
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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