does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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