your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize