even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
