the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
