Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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