Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
