I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Shame - the story of my life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
