I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
