dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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