I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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