I'm so fucking centered right now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
