Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
