You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
