well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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