It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
