cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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