Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
