Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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