I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
