fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I see more hoeing in ur future
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