just tell him i said nine months
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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