remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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