Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
