Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
