why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
